There are a Million Ways to Breastfeed
I’m 4 months into this whole mama’hood journey. Like today, right now, 4 months ago. My baby was airlifted from my belly via cesaran after 2-days of intense labor and followed by even more intense hemmoraging and post-partum healing complications to match it all.
I also KNEW 1000% that I wanted to breastfeed. I’m an occupational therapist and feeding therapist, I’ve worked with breastfeeding mamas and collaborated with IBCLCs — I know how this goes and I was ready for it. I read books, I took courses, I had the supplies — I even put the bottles I registered for in storage. I was ready to exclusively breastfeed and enjoy every minute of it.
My baby, my body, and the universe had other plans. I am only just beginning to approach and process the grief and slowly accept what will and will not be with our feeding journey.
With all of the trauma and pain associated with our birth, my milk never fully arrived. We saw two lactation consultants, tried SNS, shields (plural), direct syringe, triple feeding, at least a half a dozen positions, carriers, we had a tongue and lip tie released, did weekly occupational therapy for oral motor issues and therapy to help his nervous system regulate post-traumatic birth. I know there’s more but I’m exhausted so the list will end there.
In the beginning, I told a friend our struggles and told her I was pumping my ass off (the power pumping days) around the clock to get my milk to come in. She said, “Leah, that is breastfeeding.” It made me cry as a stared at the text and I won’t pretend it’s not bringing tears to my eyes now. I know there is grief, I am processing this with healers I’ll link below. <3
AND, I want to share, here’s where we are now:
I recently decreased my daily pumping sessions and although we still “practice” and I offer the breast from time to time, Otis eats my milk, donor milk, and formula — all from a bottle. We are getting excited to start solids and he is the happiest baby.
I can finally say, I am okay with saying, “this is breastfeeding.” That is what is echoing in my mind. Along with, “your mental health is what is most important,” — something one of the lactation consultants started our first session with.
Though we are not even nearly halfway through our journey, I have two core beliefs at this stage followed by an oldie but a goodie.
Maternal Mental Health over Milk
There are a Million Ways to Breastfeed
Grief and Joy can (and often do) exist at the same time
Thank you to my healers and support for all of your magic in postpartum. I would not have made it without you.
Miranda Lu, Ayurvedic Postpartum Caregiver, Educator, Somatic Energy Practitioner