Co-Regulation: Bring Calm to the Chaos
Before we talk co-regulation, what is regulation?
When we as human beings are “regulated” - our nervous systems feel safe, balanced, and ready to interact with the world as it is coming to us. We can have things that are regulating to us or dysregulating.
Many of these things come to us and our nervous systems by way of our sensory systems. Example; my olfactory system, or sense of smell, is very sensitive. Some smells like essential oils, the woods, and the beach are very regulating for me. While other smells like body sprays, bath and body works candles, and Little Tree car air fresheners are extremely dysregulating for me (and extremely toxic, by the way!)
So what is co-regulation? Co-regulation occurs between two people. As human beings we can find things that both our nervous systems’ find regulating together. Or, we can bring our regulated calm selves to an interaction to help someone else calm themselves. Imagine a parent rocking a baby to sleep, singing a song, or holding them tight when they are crying. Or, someone calmly listening to their friend share about something that is painful or upsetting for them.
As adults, caregivers, and parents we can only share our calm with our kids if we have first found it ourselves.
The effects of co-regulation (or co-dysregulation) impact everything that happens between parent and child. Co-regulation occurs when a caregiver and child are helping one another to regulate, or to help their nervous systems find a calm and oriented state.
Co-dysregulation can happen when child or caregiver are stressed, upset, or having a hard time, and the other feeds off of this, picking up on or being triggered by what is happening to the other. There are so many things that are difficult or triggering unless we are regulated. I for one have a really hard time paying attention in a meeting or focusing to send an email if I am not regulated. This happens with kids as well, they share the same nervous system as we do, it’s just smaller and still learning how to regulate in this world!
Before we as caregivers can help children regulate and calm, we need to regulate ourselves.
There’s so many things that we as adults do to regulate ourselves:
Gum chewing
Working out
Meditation
Music
Essential oils
Deep breathing
Crossing legs
An obsession with @spindrift/@lacroix 🙋🏼♀️
Check out a full list of activities we can do as adults to regulate ourselves and if you’re interested in learning more about regulation and co-regulation, watch this short presentation; both linked below!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBKqWoSs8kU&feature=youtu.be